After much toil and hard work, i have compiled for your enjoyment the full text of the argument about coconuts. They real thing is much funnier, but even like this it will make you laugh!!!
Sir Arthur and his servant ride up to a castle, where a lone soldier is standing at the battlements. (If you had to hear that, you have obvously never seen Montey Python, it is almost imposible to forget!!!
SOLDIER: Halt! Who goes there?
ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle
of Camelot. King of all Britons, defeator of the Saxons,
sovereign of all England!
Pause.
SOLDIER: Get away!
ARTHUR: I am... And this my trusty servant, Patsy. We have ridden the
length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join
our court at Camelot.. I must speak with your lord and master.
SOLDIER: What? Ridden on a horse?
ARTHUR: Yes!
SOLDIER: You're using coconuts!
ARTHUR: ...What?
SOLDIER: You've got two empty halves of coconuts and you're banging
them together.
ARTHUR: (Scornfully)
So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this
land, through the kingdom of Mercea.
SOLDIER: Where did you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: Through ... We found them.
SOLDIER: Found them? In Mercea. The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
SOLDIER: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin
or the plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are
not strangers to our land.
SOLDIER: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: Why not? It could grip it by the husk ...
SOLDIER: It's not a question of where he grips it, It's a simple
matter of weight - ratios ... A five-ounce bird could not
hold a a one pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Go and tell your master that
Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
A Slight pause. Swirling mist. Silence.
SOLDIER: Look! To maintain Velocity, a swallow needs to beat
its wings four hundred and ninety three times every
second. right?
ARTHUR: (irritated)
Please!
SOLDIER: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested.
SECOND SOLDIER: (who has loomed up on the battlements)
It could be carried by an African swallow!
FIRST SOLDIER: Oh yes! An African swallow maybe ... but not a European
swallow. that's my point.
SECOND SOLDIER: Oh yes, I agree there ...
ARTHUR: (losing patience)w
wll you ask your master if he wants to join the Knights
of Camelot?!
FIRST SOLDIER: But then of course African swallows are non-migratory.
SECOND SOLDIER: Oh yes.
ARTHUR raises his eyes heavenwards and nods to PATSY. They turn
and go off into the mist.
FIRST SOLDIER: So they wouldn't be able to bring a coconut back anyway.
SECOND SOLDIER: Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried it together?
FIRST SOLDIER: No, they'd have to have it on a line.